Hmmm, following on from the last post, about his tie, suddenly his tie became the least of my worries, or the least of our daily battles.
We have now come out of the other side of 2, maybe 3 weeks of turmoil.
I don’t know what caused it, I don’t know what caused it to stop. And if I am sure of anything, I am sure that it is just the beginning of a long rollercoaster ride of emotions.
For those of you who don’t live the daily life of attachment disorder, I think it is hard to imagine how it can be. A meeting at school yesterday illustrated this beautifully. Whilst school are 100% supportive and have put in many things to support Bonzo, they just don’t see the boy that I see at home. They have a child who is learning, reasonably sociable, and likes to be in the center of things at school. They are not naive, they realise the need to always be where it is happening is an issue, and they realise that just talking about scary things (earthquakes for instance) will trigger his anxiety, and they realise he can’t cope well with school hall happenings, but they just see an anxious boy.
They don’t see a boy who……….
Can cry for absolutely no reason whatsoever
screams at me ‘when I get home I’m going to slam the door at you’ (well, at least I am warned, and besides he forgot!)
lies awake silently shaking and swallowing back his sobs so that I can’t hear him and help him.
swims with his head at an angle so he can see me for 100% of his swimming lesson.
to the words ‘let me help you’ screams (I mean screams) ‘I don’t want your help, you never help me, I hate you…….’
bites away the insides of his cheeks leaving red sore patches.
panics in case we have a tsunami, an earthquake, become extinct. ‘how near the sea are we Mummy, where will we go if we have a tsunami, can volcanoes still happen, will I be burnt a volcano happens tonight’………..
worries in case he is eaten by a polar bear, a shark, a spider and who absolutely freaks if a fly flies past.
listens continuously for strange noises and then asks zillions of questions about each noise.
won’t sleep for the whole of November just in case a firework goes off. Or more to the point just in case a firework comes hurtling into our garden or more specifically his bedroom!
argues every single point there is to argue.
is so negative about himself he makes himself sad.
refuses to cooperate to the nth degree. Even if it is something fun and his choice.
lies awake at night sweating, tossing & turning, and mostly listening just to check he can hear where I am.
And the list goes on.
But the past 48 hrs a rather pleasant little boy has emerged. He has been playing with his lego, drawing pictures for his friends, helping lay the table, reading with gusto, enjoying his own company and been a generally content 6 yr old.
Why the change? I don’t know – but a couple of things. On Monday he went into see his old teacher, for a hug and a chat. She talked with him and admired his handywork. He had been really worried that she had forgotten his name (unlikely!), so maybe this helped.
He has also been slightly more open about worries at school. Maybe getting that off his chest has helped. As I left him in school today, having had a quick word with his teacher about extinction, I heard Bonzo say, ‘Miss T, I’m worried about listening about polar bears dying’. That is progress, admitting to himself he is worried and telling his teacher too. Result
So, this week brings a slightly more relaxed household. Less wine being drunk, less chocolate being eaten, and more fun being had all round. I really, really, really hope it lasts.