I love a coincidence.
We’ve had no school for 4 days, and we’ve had happy, relaxed boy for 4 days. Yahoo, what a coincidence.
Not.
Life is beginning to form a pattern.
It goes like this.
When school is happening we are upset, argumentative, defiant, cross, stroppy……
When school isn’t happening we are happier, calmer, less defiant, more easy going…….
We have now (I think) had 2 weeks of our new school routine. It has gone well. The teachers have kept their promises of sending home the daily itinary of Bonzo’s activities, importantly anything out of the ordinary is highlighted, and I get little pictures of who was in the classroom. This makes me laugh, as the info is for me, not Bonzo, so names would suffice……
Most of the days they have remembered to give Bonzo his afternoon snack and on the days it was forgotten I have been told so he can eat it as we walk out of school.
They are being more observant of him at lunch time.
And, twice a week he has come home for lunch, or I have been to school for lunch. (always a dangerous activity as I am never entirely certain that I will be able to get up off the miniature chairs!).
So, our emotional diary now goes something along these lines.
Saturday (yes, I know, this is not the first day of the week, just easier for this purpose) – Bonzo is quite happy. He has his swimming lesson & bike club. All is fun, all is happy, we may even get laughter. The rest of the day goes relatively well.
Sunday – morning might be quite smooth. We may pop along to church, we may meet friends, we may do nothing, generally whatever we do it is fine. Then after nap (yes, he still naps at 5.5yrs!), he generally susses that tomorrow is Monday. Bugger. Defiant, stroppy, argumentative child commences his negative whims. A 4 mile march round the woods normally keeps him (and me) on the straight and narrow. Home to bed.
Monday – crash, bang, wallop. Sigh, tut, demand, crash, bang, wallop. Put on repeat. Go to work, get dropped off at school. Home from school. Boss Big Charge around or just scream at me, to me and generally make everyone’s life as awkward as he can.
Tuesday – repeat Monday.
Weds – morning as above. Lunchtime – skip home, have lovely calm lunch, skip back to school. Come out of school happily & play beautifully with Big Charge.
Thurs – repeat above. With the added bonus of Special Play after school – the 1 on 1 attention seems to be being enjoyed. (minus home for lunch)
Fri – repeat Wednesday
And so it continues.
There will soon be more help at hand. A PAS worker came out yesterday and wants to put several things in place. Mainly, and most importantly, theraplay for Bonzo and me. This will mean missing more school, but at this point in time, his happiness and attachment is more important than school. She is also keen he comes home for lunch more frequently – this will depend on work.
Oh, and a big plus. The PAS worker informed me that the school Bonzo goes to is THE school for children with emotional issues to be attending. She wishes all schools would help in the same way. I had sort of realised I had found a great school, but nice to have it echoed by someone official.
And today, 4th day of no school, 4th day of 100% being with me, and we had a great day in London with friends. A day that seemed normal, normal family life with family friends. Bonzo was as good (or at times not) as the other children, was as happy as the other children, and a great time was had by all. (and nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing Bonzo playing happily with the children of my old friends)
That horizon may be a long way away, but it seems that there may be hope on it after all!
waiting for the boat. A great skyline on a beautiful day.
You could have just blogged about my girls. School is also a major stressor for them, so like you, I’m one of those mom’s that looks forward to half term
I was actually really nervous about this break as he has been so unpredictable until the past few weeks that it could have been horrendous! Thankfully not though.
I love it that Bonzo is so happy and relaxed when he is with you. Shame that school is still so stressful for him but at least he’s secure with you at home (or out with you). Sorry to be so PollyAnna about it but this is what comes across. Good luck with the theraplay. xx
Thanks!
What is great is that you are finding the pattern….it gives you all so much more to work with. Well done on giving him such love and security – its a huge backhanded compliment that he wants to be with you 100% of the time. You both keep making great progress-well done x
Yes, and it certainly gives us something concrete to work with.
As I say, there is hope on the horizon!!
Great post. School is a stresser here too, though I’m yet to decide if it’s in general, in response to specific events, or because of specific staff (I suspect the latter, but the pattern changes throughout term). Half term has certainly been calmer, and we’re using it to rest as tiredness definitely sets in during the last few weeks at school.
I’m so pleased you’re getting theraplay too…we’ve only had the one session so far, but I can see the impact already. I hope you get on as well as we are….you’ll be there at that horizon before you know it…looking over and beyond it
Thanks! Latest news – theraplay may be threatened by the inablility to decide who should pay……….
Meanwhile, I’ll enjoy the rest of the week with a reasonably calm boy!
Bloomin’ politics all the time, I hope *someone* will agree to pay for it. Thanks for linking up to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x
It really comes across that Bonzo is calm and happy when he is with you – glad school is on board – and hope the theraplay comes through – it is excellent and it is incredibly hard and frustrating to hear that it is coming down to thwe who will pay ball.
It is really reassuring for you that your school is good for your son. It’s so much easier when you approach the teacher or staff member knowing that you will get a supportive response. School is constant cause of stress and concern for my 8yo and I have him home on Wednesday afternoon to give him a break from the stress. Most importantly though you can enjoy big days out with little upset which is a huge indicator of how he is attaching to you. Always lovely to catch up with you and Bonzo and thank you for sharing again at the Weekly Adoption Shout Out
Thanks. It is interesting to hear that about big days out – I always assume he is better out & about as we are not ‘at home’ so less emotion involved! He certainly loves being out & about, which is good for both of us!
Is school still stressing him? xx
Hi – in a word ‘yes’. In lots of words….. nowhere near as much as it was. He is settled into his routine of coming home twice a week for lunch (though he would prefer it to be everyday). The routine of school is now fine, but if anything out of the ordinary happens we have immediate fallout at home. For instance they made pictures of people out of fruit this week (like that Italian artist) and Bonzo was immediately convinced that all fruit would turn into people!
However, the school are great, support is in place, and he loves the individual activities, would just rather not be at school!
To be brutally honest, I was like that at work. I didn’t adopt to get a year off work, but it is a huge bonus. I am sure with your work, he will start to get more used to it.
Love the picture at the end, such a beautiful backdrop! Have you seen much of an improvement since Feb? I remember feeling the same about going to school!
Wow, what a journey you are on. I found this list exhaustive just reading it, never mind going through it? It really is so hard to be a selfless parent at times isn’t it? So glad that it ended on a positive note and that you’re finding some happiness together. Thanks for linking up to #oldiesbutgoodies this month