adopt and keep calm

my little adopted boy and me.

2 sides of a flippin coin.

on April 3, 2013

Ah, so term is over, work has finished, visitors have gone, all the chocolate is hidden (mainly inside me) and a relative normality has resumed.

It is ages since I have blogged properly – few Silent Sundays but that’s all.

Bonzo is doing better in some ways and not so good in others. In general though, life is better than at the beginning of the year – and with support from school, Camh, PAS, friends we are moving in the right direction. Albeit slowly.

It is looking more and more likely that his eye rolling is in fact a tic. (this is my diagnosis, not official!). He holds it all together in school, then comes home and let’s it all out. Involuntarily – seems to have no control, and for the most part isn’t aware he is rolling his eyes, and now, nodding his head diagonally as well. If this was happening at school, surely they would have noticed?

His main problem however is still the Insecure Attachment, which I know isn’t going to ‘do one’ soon. He, on the plus side, is now voicing his concerns ever so slightly.

‘Mummy, only 2 more sleeps till the Easter holidays then I can be with you the whole time’.

Whoopee – indeed, and by the whole time, when we are at home he means the whole time. If I move too quickly there is a danger I will crush him, knock him over, or trip over him and break my leg. Where ever I am, so is he. But he has developed a knack of arriving so quietly that I don’t know he is near me (though you would think by now I could’ve worked it out!). He will now no longer clean his teeth unless I am in the bathroom next to him – I tentatively asked him why, ‘because I can’t hear you when I brush my teeth, my brush is too noisy’. (his brush is in fact silent, it is the brushing that is noisy). He won’t do his shoes up unless I am near him as the velcro is so noisy, again, he can’t hear where I am.

But, as soon as anyone else enters the equation – be it Granny, Pickle, Pop, friends, neighbours, then I no longer get eye contact, let alone a smile. If I touch him, I get ‘ow that hurts’ or plain ‘get off me’ and so on, and so on. At night time he won’t kiss good night or these days rarely accepts a cuddle.

So, as we all know, the coin has two sides. On the one side he is terrified I am going to disappear in a puff of smoke, and on the other side, he wants me nowhere near him – that way, he saves himself from too much hurt the day that I do disappear (which isn’t on my to do list!).

Most of these little quirks disappear when we are on neutral ground. We are away next week, and apart from stroppiness (which could just be character) I am expecting a fun week.

So, they are the negatives, the positives are flowing too – his drawing and expressing himself through drawing is coming along brilliantly, he has just got his 10m swimming badge and is loving the new swimming club and is holding his own nicely with children a couple of years older. He is loving the great outdoors and getting more adventurous with what he will climb, hold (ie worms), go near.

And here are a few pics of a little boy with a whole heap of emotions going on in his head – enjoying the freedom from worry that only outside adventures can bring.

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6 responses to “2 sides of a flippin coin.

  1. new mummy says:

    I love the howling at the moon pic with Bonzo and the dog – and the blog post makes me want to cry – the knife edge of 2 sides – needing you close by and yet trying to push you away sooner – but you won’t be going and eventually drip by drip over the glass covered with clingfilm your love and persistance will crash in and consume Bonzo. The drips are already seeping in, in amazing ways. hope the weeks break is great for you.

  2. It’s lovely to read an update for you. It sounds like you have made some progress this year so far. My heart just breaks for your little lad being so anxious hat he can’t hear you when he’s brushing his teeth, such a powerful and emotional image. You are doing so well there. I hope you get to the bottom of the tic thing, xx

  3. Stix says:

    Poor Bonzo. It’s so sad that he feels so much anxiety about not being able to hear you.
    We also experience the ‘need you when no-one else is around’ thing, but the ‘I’m barely acknowledging you when others are here’. Ours is thankfully (I think) not consistent, but I can relate to it.
    I hope you have a good time next week. Thanks for linking up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x

  4. My life seems to be full of 2 sides to the coin. Progress is constantly made but new issues arise as well. It must be hard for you when your little man needs to be with you so much but then refuses to do the lovely cuddles and kisses bit. Keep going though you are doing brilliantly. Lovely to see the pictures as well.
    Thanks for being part of the weekly Adoption Shout Out.

  5. Sezz says:

    I recognise this so much. Once again there are many similarities between Missy and Bonzo. Well done to Bonzo for getting his swimming badge, I bet you’re really proud. You are doing really well.
    Hope you’ve had a good week.

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