adopt and keep calm

my little adopted boy and me.

What’s in a name?

on July 10, 2013

Ah, thanks to the lovely lady with long blonde hair, who made a bit of a prat of herself on tv last week, there has been  alot of talk, gossip and downright nastiness about children’s names in this past week.

Now there are many names I wouldn’t choose for my child, but that is where I have to stop, as clearly, Bonzo’s name wasn’t chosen by me.

Maybe Katie  Hopkins (whoops, I just named her) would make an exception for a child called Charmaine if she was adopted. Or a Tyler, who had now been rescued and was in foster care. But I doubt it.

Now, Bonzo, fairly obviously, isn’t called Bonzo. And, he does have a reasonably popular, ‘always at least one in every class’ type of name. It wouldn’t have been top of my list if I had chosen, but it wouldn’t have been scrubbed off a list either. But, it doesn’t really matter as when I got the phone call telling me about the match, his name wasn’t top of my priority list. Though, I am happy to admit, I was relieved when they told me what it was.

During my preperation course we were taught quite alot about the importance of names, the importance of identity. And we were also told if we really didn’t like the name to say ‘no’ – as this would be a major obstacle to bonding. I don’t know though, anyone who has turned down a child because of the name. With all adopted children, names are generally the least of our issues.

But, I do wish I had changed Bonzo’s name. Not because I am middle class (as all adopters are – just read Fraser McAlpine’s Guardian article), and I wanted him to fit into my middle class life, but because I now realise how much social networking is going to play a part of our lives, and how easy it is for our adopted children to be traced.  I am tempted to drop Facebook and run, but another huge part of me knows that I need to keep ahead of the game, learn the technology and keep with it. (and I am also very nosey).

So, Bonzo, is and always will be Bonzo. He has a middle name, also part of his identity given by his Birthmum, and he has a middle name given by me too. So lucky boy has 3 names. 3 reasonably normal, common, popular names. Whether they are on Katie’s list, I haven’t bothered to check.

 


One response to “What’s in a name?

  1. Good point, I didn’t think of that. I have thought of the identity issue that they give as the reason for not changing the child’s name. It strikes me as odd that his identity is sealed at a few months old by a family who abused him. What about all the years of love and security with you? Isn’t that a far more significant part of his identity? Your identity is forged over many years and experiences, not from the history of your genes. imho

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