adopt and keep calm

my little adopted boy and me.

It’s all about the tie. #Memorybox

on September 24, 2013

So, almost 3 weeks in and I can safely say our ‘back to school, skipping off to Year 1′ honeymoon is over.

This past week he has cried, sobbed, stamped, screamed, had night terrors and been generally Mr Depressed. I really am beginning to wonder if depression is something that can be diagnosed in a 6yr old, it’s next on my list to talk to Camh about.

Anyway, part of this emotional rollercoaster has been caused by the tie. He was so, so excited to wear a tie. He had been telling anyone that would listen that he was going to wear a tie in Year 1 – ‘and it’s a proper tie, not on plasticine’ (plasticine/elastic?).

So, the first morning I did it for him – this was allowed.

The second morning we did it together.

3rd morning ‘I don’t want your help’ – oh dear. I sensed what was coming next.

Not wanting or accepting help is a big issue with those with attachment issues. You can’t become happily independant until you have learnt to be dependant – a stage that Bonzo missed out on.

Off we go with a soon to become morning battle.

Until this week – when progress was made. Each morning after the first 10 minute tie meltdown I guided him through it, and yesterday he did it ‘all on my own’, and this morning, with Bonzo slightly bemused as to why I was taking photos, he did it completely on his own.

He was very, very happy. As was I. That is one less hurdle to get through each morning!

So, the step by step, photo by photo guide to putting on a tie the Bonzo way.


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9 responses to “It’s all about the tie. #Memorybox

  1. Maria says:

    Have you thought of homeschooling Bonzo for a year? I know it sounds a very radical step but I know people who have done it with their children and they DID return to the system after some issues were sorted with self esteem, confidence etc. He is your child and you don’t HAVE to send him to school. Maybe he is not ready for it and the demands that they will make on him, despite all their help. I’ve homeschooled for a short time when my child suffered an accident and couldn’t go to school and although I didn’t choose to homeschool but it was thrust upon me, I was amazed by how nice it was and how much my son’s behaviour/relationship with his peers improved as a result (he had been struggling with the playground and lessons before that) He went up a whole academic level in 3 months due that time we had together “learning” – chatting, relaxing, although it was only an hour of actual school work a day. I sometimes wonder whether school is just a cultural construct that doesn’t work for all children..

    Or flexi-schooling even. Your home life is more important than the rules of school, and if school is making B unhappy you should call the shotsl.

    • Hi – thanks. I have thought about it, but unfortunately being on my own have to work and I think a mix of home & school would be just too much. I am forntunate that we have a great school with very understanding staff – who accomodate my every whim – for a boy who performs reasonably ‘normally’ at school!

  2. What an achievement! I didn’t have to worry about a tie until secondary school and even then I had to be carefully taught. I’m dreading approaching shoelaces with my little one – velcro till he’s at least 10 I reckon :)

  3. Great stuff, so please because I know you had tie melt down last week, so real progress. I have a fiercely independent one too and I hadn’t thought of it as you need to be dependent before you can be independent. Thanks for that too. And thanks for sharing Bonzo’s achievement on #MemoryBox

  4. Three Pink Diamonds says:

    Well done Bonzo, this is a big achievement. My girls wear the elasticated ties at the moment to my relief. The day they want to be able to tie their own I will panic as I have forgotten how to tie a knot. Guess I will need to add this to my list of things to learn – I may use your pictures as a step by step guide :)

  5. how fabulous to be able to do a tie – well done bonzo – we too are having aftermath after the day at school – and we are fiercely trying to be independent before we are ready to be too – dependant before independence totally needed here too – she says I want it my way! hope you get some headway with camhs with your next item on the list with depression – a big one good to look into getting g help too xx

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