I remember at our training course being made to say all the dreams we had had for our future birth children. They lightheartedly joked about Oxford graduates, degrees, pilots, lawyers and all things grand. Then told us to wake up, stop dreaming as our adopted children may have very different futures. They weren’t quite so blunt, and of course, no one is saying that our children can’t have great futures, but I think the point they were making is that the road to our children’s future was going to be a longer, bumpier, rockier, more traumatic road than that of other children.
Back to now and the reality of everyday life. I am a big planner. I know what I will be doing when, and plan things fastiduously, but am (even more so these days) flexible with change. I plan things, Bonzo doesn’t know I plan things – he can’t cope with anything other than the future 24hrs. I occasionally try to give him a bit more time to get excited, think things over, and then regret that decision as life goes tits up. So, if our plans to go away over the next few days are thwarted by the weather, Bonzo is none the wiser as he doesn’t know we have any plans.
I can’t think to the future too much school wise. Whilst friends have mapped out which schools his classmates will (hopefully) be going on to I will just have to see what is going on much, much nearer the time. This works better I think anyway – schools have this habit of having good & bad cycles.
The immediate future for me means having a relaxed half term week, getting through weeks & weeks of fireworks with a boy that won’t sleep if you even mention the word firework, but who keeps himself scared rigid by talking about them continuously.
The slightly wider future means (fingers crossed) the beginnings of Theraplay for Bonzo and me.
As for the real ‘future’, Bonzo wants to be a pilot or a builder, for now what I want is that we have more happy days, less grumpy days, more self esteem, less doubt, more confidence less worry, less fear of being left, more certainty that we are ‘forever’.
Today I went on a Safeguarding course. It was a very draining day for me. All too close to home and a very real reminder why Bonzo’s future is going to be at the best rocky, at the worst unthinkable. But I can’t think like that – I have to think of a rosy future, happy school days, happy teen years, good friends and all the things that make a child’s future good.