adopt and keep calm

my little adopted boy and me.

Parties, or how best to avoid them.

on January 14, 2014

Bonzo loves a party. Loves the food, love the friends, loves the games, loves being social. At least, he thinks he does.

We had some good parties in late Spring & Summer, and I thought & hoped that perhaps his partying skills were improving.

However, this weekend I was proved wrong.

Boyo had been invited to a couple of parties. A quiet (it wasn’t at all quiet, but not many children) birthday tea on Saturday and a friend’s multi sport party on Sunday. We went to the birthday tea – and for the most part it was ok. If I ignore the rudeness. Then we left and he went into hyper anxious mode. Walking along the street he started one of his ‘I want a reaction’ habits – this time he chose walking right in front of me, zigzagging from side to side trying to make me trip. Joy. Unfortunately for Bonzo my tolerance levels were already at zero. I say unfortunately, maybe he wanted me to put him to one side in the street, stand him against the wall & say all too loudly to him that if he carried on like that it would be the last party he went to for a long time. So, that did the trick and Mr Super Pleasant returned for our long walk home.

Sunday morning and all is going wonky before we have even made it downstairs.

Eventually I got to the bottom of the anxiety – at least, all that he was going to tell me.

‘I don’t want to go to the party as everyone will see me lose’

So, there we have it. Hyper anxious, hyper worried all in case he loses a race.

This was sorted quite quickly with a text to the Mother of partyboy to ask what they will be doing. Football & bouncy castle. Excellent. Bonzo decides that yes, he does want to go.

So, he goes. I as ever stay. Sitting on the sidelines like the paranoid mother who won’t leave her 6.5yr old to enjoy a party. And it’s a good job I didn’t. He didn’t take his eyes off me for a nano second. He chewed his fingers to the point of bleeding. Was really cocky to the ‘coaches’. Attempted to control the games and his friends. etc etc. And this is all with me in the room, and 13 other children who he sees every day at school.

So, for now, Bonzo’s party season is over. I am not giving him the choice. The anxiety before, during and after is not worth it. He has a party invite for next weekend. I have already spoken with the mother (she is in the know about all things Bonzo) and she kindly invited him round for a quiet tea/walk with the birthday girl on a different day. Bonzo, is going to flip when I tell him that he’ll miss the party. But I can cope with that.

And to quickly hop back to the ‘losing’ point. This tallies with what I have been told about PE at school. If they are doing anything vaguely competitive Bonzo will sabotage his own attempt in order to save face. Or attempt to save face.

So, onwards and upwards with 2014. Let our party free year commence!

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2 responses to “Parties, or how best to avoid them.

  1. Mama says:

    This sounds all too familiar to me and for now I have come to the same conclusion. We’ve only had one invite this year which we accepted but that experience taught me that Bunny and Kitten are not ready for parties yet! Well done for making the unpopular but necessary decision

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